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Some Random Love Tips

random excuses for men

Looking for a date, but sick of the bar scene and tired of logging on to your favorite dating site? Wish you’d never tried that night of speed dating? Here are 10 original suggestions on where to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, straight from the front lines – people in the dating world who have been there, done that.

1. “Go to reunions – high school, college, whatever. I know so many people who have ended up marrying or at least seriously dating somebody they re-met at a reunion. And let me tell you, it’s never the person they dated in high school or even liked in high school. It’s always somebody they never would have thought twice about.”
Susan – Chicago, Illinois
2. “I once saw some cute guys coming out of a building after work and walking down the street. I literally ran around the block so that I could ‘accidentally’ bump into them head-on. Sure enough, they invited me to get some drinks with them, and I ended up going on a couple of dates with one of them. The ‘accidental’ bump is a good one, if you can pull it off naturally.”
Anne B – San Francisco, California
3. “We met at the dog run. He had a golden retriever, I had a shepherd mix. All four of us clicked immediately.”
J. – San Juan, Puerto Rico
4. “Keep your eyes, and mind, open. You may find a great boyfriend in the most unlikely place. I had to drive a co-worker to work for awhile after he broke his leg. We got to talk a lot and to know each other pretty well, and we ended up dating. He’s now my husband.”
M.B. – San Francisco, California
5. “There is no ‘best place’ to meet Mister Right. There’s only Mister Right! I met the man I married when I was on vacation in Israel. At the end of the vacation, he asked for my phone number, then introduced me to his friend as his future wife. Ten months later we moved in together.”
Beatrice – Miami, Florida
6. “The best way to meet people is not to go to bars or clubs: volunteer at a shelter or a park cleanup instead. There you get to see people in a different light (and also in daylight!). Under these circumstances you can see if a person is a hard worker or lazy, and also how he works and plays with others.”
Jenny – Denton, Texas
7. “I met my wife shoeing horses on the Bicentennial wagon train when it came through my town in the Shenandoah Valley.”
Paul Long – New Hope, Virginia
8. “Best place to meet women? It’s coincidentally also the best place to meet men – conventions! These are great places to meet people with similar interests and to spend time mingling. And there won’t be any loud music, so you can talk.”
Doug Lofton – Waikoloa, Hawaii
9. “I met a girl once in the DMV line. It was awesome. We had two hours to get to know each other before I asked her out on a date. I guess traffic school could be a good place to meet someone, too – at least you know you have something in common.”
Bill – Sacramento, California
10. “Don’t focus on dating. Focus on doing things that make you happy. Find things you’re passionate about and do those things and you have a better chance of meeting someone there, when you’re not looking. Don’t do activities to meet a guy. Focus on making yourself happy.”
Peggy – St. Petersburg, Florida

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Speed Dating 101

Wondering if Speed Dating is for you? Here’s all the basics to help you determine if you want to give Speed Dating a try.

What is Speed Dating?
Speed Dating originated in the late 1990’s and utilizes a round-robin format to help daters meet several people one-on-one at the same event. Each date typically lasts ten minutes or less before you move onto the next potential mate.

Is Ten Minutes Enough Time?
You may not know in ten minutes or less if you want to marry the person, but you can often tell if you at least want to see them again. Plus, if you know right away it’s a mismatch at least you’re not stuck sitting through a boring dinner waiting for the check.

Is Contact Information Exchanged?
Typically no contact information is exchanged at the end of each speed date. Rather, at the end of the evening, each dater submits a list of people they would like to see again. The event organizers look for matches and provide contact information to both parties for each match made.

So now you know the basics, but what should you wear and talk about at a Speed Dating event, and how should you act to improve your chances of finding that special someone?

What Do You Wear for Speed Dating?
The key in choosing your outfit is to dress attractively without dressing to attract. In other words, your goal is to meet a potential mate, not just attract attention, particularly from the wrong kind of person. A good rule of thumb is to look at yourself in the mirror before leaving and determine if any particular article of clothing or exposed body part could be distracting. If you pass this test, you’ll know the people you meet will be able to focus on you, not your clothes or a body part.

What Do You Talk About?
Speed Dating is not all about flirting, rather it’s about getting to know a set of new people quickly and efficiently. In general, focus on topics appropriate for a first date. In other words, this is not the time to vent about relationships gone wrong or brag about your sexual conquests.

How Do You Act?
It can be tempting to be something you’re not. After all, you are trying to impress others at Speed Dating events. However, keep in mind that putting up a false front will not ultimately help you reach your goal of a committed relationship. In the end, if you act like yourself you’ll know that others are meeting the real you and expressing interest in the person they’ll date if the relationship progresses.

Where Do You Find Speed Dating Opportunities?
Google “speed dating” and you’re sure to come across opportunities. Also, try Speed Dating online at Lavalife.

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How To Write An Online Ad Posting

1.   Be honest about your age.
List your actual age; there’s no need to be defensive or dishonest.

2.   Use a realistic photograph.
Submit a quality, current photograph of yourself, but nothing that wildly misrepresents your actual appearance.

3.   Describe yourself accurately.
Answer questions honestly about your height, weight, race, religion, etc. Be accurate, not deceptive. Accurate: “I’m six feet, 180 pounds, with short brown hair and glasses.” Deceptive: “I’m an intellectual Adonis.”

4.   Come across optimistic.
Write in an upbeat style. Similarly, don’t apologize for posting. Be positive and assertive.

5.   Be brief and clear.
Format your posting so it’s easy to read. In other words, make your sentences and paragraphs brief. Also, don’t stuff your postings with words; that’s a turn off. Make sure you leave plenty of white space.

6.   Avoid spelling mistakes.
Spell-check your posting.

7.   Be clear about why you’re posting.
If the person reading your requirements doesn’t fit them, they shouldn’t waste their time reading further.

8.   Explain what makes you who you are.
Use adjectives and add detail, i.e., “I’m a playful 32 year old architect who likes to relax by reading mystery novels.”

9.   Share what you like best in a partner.
Don’t be negative or cruel. Instead, say what you want, i.e., “A guy who knows the difference between Monet and Manet, yet can also clean-and-press a 150 pound barbell.”

10.   When you respond to others’ posts, show them that you actually read what they wrote, and aren’t just turned on by their picture or physical description.

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Two Guys, One Girl

The following is a guest post and she would like to keep herself anonymous:

I was going out with this guy Jack and we had been going out for about three months maybe a bit more and I really liked him. He is seriously in love with me. In fact, last time we had a fight he started punching brick fences and cried over me because he thought I would break up with him.

Then about a month later I thought he was cheating on me because nobody knew where he was. He just left my house because he got jealous when I was talking to his friend Matt and so Matt and I went looking for him and couldn’t find him.

We went to his house and he wasn’t there. We called him but he wasn’t answering. Anyway then I hear from someone that he went and saw his ex-girlfriend Sarah. I didn’t believe it at first because I thought why would he take the chance if he really loved me.

But then I found a text on his phone in the sent box saying “Can I come to your house now, I’m by myself.” I asked him about it but he just denied sending it and said he didn’t know how it got there.

Then a few nights after this I went to my friend Mel’s boyfriend’s party and I got convinced by Mel that Jack did cheat on me. So I got pretty drunk and I ended up hooking up with this hot guy Steve. The next day he wanted to see me again and I didn’t know what to do. I decided to go just to see what he was like and of course he was really nice and funny.

But before I went and saw Steve again I broke up with my boyfriend Jack over the whole cheating thing and he was really upset and kept trying to re-call me. I felt so guilty I cried all day and hardly slept at night. I didn’t eat much either.

I decided that I thought Jack was really genuine and that I missed him too much to just let him go, but now I’m faced with the problem of breaking it off with Steve because he asked me out. But I said if we could just take it slow because I told him I only broke up with my ex about two days before I met him and he was okay with it.

But now I have to break it off with Steve when I do like him and I wish he had come along at another time. :(

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How To Say I Love You

I love you is a powerful phrase and saying I love you is a big step in any relationship. Learn the right time to say I love you and give yourself the best chance of hearing “I love you too!”

1.   Do You Mean It? Decide if you really want to say “I love you” or if you have an ulterior motive. Escalating a relationship to the love phase for sexual, financial, or other secondary reasons only causes problems down the road.

2.   Will it be Reciprocated? Calculate whether or not you believe your partner is at the same juncture. If you partner is using phrases like, “I’m falling for you”, “I’ve never felt this way”, or “I could spend forever with you”, there’s a good chance your “I love you” will be reciprocated.

3.   How Will the Message be Delivered? Decide the best way to communicate the message based on you and your partner’s style. If your partner loves text messages or emails, consider a cyber-expression. If your partner is the spontaneous type, then mix the “I love you” into a fun-filled evening together.

4.   Can you Back it Up? Saying “I love you” for the first time will be more meaningful and impactful if you back it up with a few reasons. Tell your partner what you love about them, whether it’s their gentle spirit, passionate kisses, or optimistic outlook on life.

5.   Will you Take the Pressure Off? Your partner may respond positively immediately or they may be caught off guard and need some time to let the moment sink in. If your partner doesn’t respond right away, give it a chance. There’s no reason to cause a fight. Just because you’ve been planning this moment, remember it’s new and possibly out of the blue for your partner.

6.   Are you Ready for the Next Step? Don’t get fooled into believing all the pressure is lifted once “I love you” is on the table from both parties. Escalating a relationship to the “I love you” phase opens the door to discussing long term commitment and possibly marriage. Be ready for the next steps if you say “I love you”.

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