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Learn to Enjoy Dating

Most people have misconceptions about what it takes to love dating. They think they should wait for someone perfect or only ask out those people who have shown interest in them. Those beliefs guarantee a lot of lonely nights. It’s more productive – and far more fun – if you take a proactive, rapid-fire approach to dating. You may find Mr. or Mrs. Right quicker than you think.

Here are three rapid-fire strategies that will help you find a date.

Meet More People and Find That Special Someone

1. Desensitize yourself to rejection.
You’ll never find someone until you realize that, at times, you’re going to be rejected. Get over it. Dr. Albert Ellis did.

As a young man, Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Therapy, was terrified of speaking to women. As a form of treatment, he gave himself the following assignment: He would go to the botanical gardens, sit on benches next to 100 different women, and talk to each for one minute. The results?

Ellis had to sit next to 130 women, because thirty fled immediately. Of the hundred who stayed, he completed his assignment by talking to each. He even asked many out. Only one accepted, and, as Ellis says, “she didn’t even show up for it!” Was he upset by his ineptness? Not on your life.

By seeing that the consequences weren’t life-threatening, he got over his fear of being rejected by women, and became a prodigious dater. Later, he became a prominent relationship therapist, and helped usher in the 1960s sexual revolution with his bestseller, Sex Without Guilt.

If you have any rejection fears, take a cue from Ellis and conduct your own assignment. Sit next to prospective dates and ask them out. You don’t need a sampling of 100 people, but pick some number before you begin: say, five, ten, or even twenty. Then, make small talk with each. If things seem to be going well, ask them out. If they accept, great. If they stonewall you, great, too. You’re learning that being rejected isn’t embarrassing or demoralizing unless you believe it to be. After awhile, you’ll see that the sky isn’t falling on you. You may even get a date or two or three or four.

But to do that, you need to make meeting new people your primary goal.

2. Make meeting new people your goal.
A few years back, I wanted a steady girlfriend, but I didn’t know any definitive method for finding one. So I came up with a strategy I thought would work, The Rapid-Fire Approach to Dating.

For instance, if a friend at lunch casually mentioned a woman in his office, I would instantly ask about her: Was she single? Was she my age? Was she a good person? If she passed those simple tests, I’d ask him to introduce us.

By keeping my goal of finding a girlfriend top of mind, opportunities to meet women showed up frequently. And I took them. During that time, I went on dates with 78 women. Why did I stop? The 78th date was with Carol, who became my wife.

How can you use this strategy? Make a list of every family member, friend, and relative, and find a reason to contact them or get-together. During the conversation, mention that you’re looking to meet someone new. You’ll be amazed how often they’ll say, “I have just the person for you.”

That is exactly the way to end up on several blind dates and be on your way to finding someone special.

3. Go on many blind dates.
Many people see blind dates as a sign of desperation. But blind dating is an effective tactic that gets results. Let other people think they’re too good for blind dates, let them stay home in front of the TV mindlessly surfing TiVo. If you start to view blind dates as a nice evening out, a drink, a bite to eat, and some interesting conversation, your attitude towards blind dates will change dramatically. The more people you meet, the better the chance one of them will spark your interest and develop into a relationship.

By following these three strategies you’ll be on your way to meeting that special someone. And isn’t that what dating is all about?

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